King Charles quotes that made us laugh out loud
King Charles might be on the British throne, but the things he says have us questioning how royal he really is. Not known to mince words, the King has become just as famous for his noble lineage as he has for his colorful language. Perhaps waiting for his turn on the throne since 1958 turned him cynical. Whatever the reason may be, it’s clear he’s not worried about his public image, choosing instead to laugh off his mistresses and talk to his food (don’t worry, we’ll get to that). Here’s the best of the worst things King Charles has ever said.
He Gardens For The Conversation
During an interview about gardening in 1986, King Charles said, “I just come and talk to the plants, really – very important to talk to them, they respond I find.” We’ve never known plants to be strong conversationalists, but maybe we’re wrong.
What exactly do the plants say, though? They don’t have vocal chords. They could ruffle their fronds together to make noise, maybe? We’re never going play “she loves me, she loves me not” without feeling guilty now. If the King is right, then plants have feelings!
He Doesn’t Know What Love Is
King Charles doesn’t know what love is, but he wants you to show him. In 1981, during an interview with Princess Diana, they were asked if they loved each other. The Princess said, “of course” while the then Prince off-handedly added, “whatever ‘in love’ means.” We’re pretty sure he slept on the couch that night.
The interview came on the heels of the couple announcing their engagement. Obviously they were in love, but the world just wanted to be sure. It sounds like King Charles is the one who wasn’t sure. Yikes!
Everyone Has A Mistress
Always the kind of person who follows traditions, King Charles was shocked that the world was shocked he had mistress, saying, “do you seriously expect me to be the first Prince of Wales in history to not have a mistress?”
Being faithful to your wife would be a pretty noble thing to do. Being proud of having a mistress, just for the sake of following in your father’s footsteps, is not. After nearly 30 years of adultery, the King married his mistress in 2005.
He’s Friends With His Vegetables
This might be the weirdest thing King Charles has said: “To get the best results you must talk to your vegetables.” Does he mean he gives them a pep talk before eating them? Sing to them while they’re being sauteed or blanched? We’re sure King Charles isn’t crazy, but he might not be totally sane either.
The next time we eat vegetables we’re going to test out these theories. We’ll report back with the results then. Until then, you’ll just have to trust King Charles’ words.
This Is How He Thought He Would Die
In a letter condemning Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu in 1991, King Charles wrote, “I hope you receive this before before some frightful undercover agent stabs me in the left buttock with a poisoned umbrella!” This dear reader, is the death King Charles predicted for himself.
We no longer think he’s partially sane. He’s crazy and we love it. Talk to your vegetables all you want and avoid men with poisoned umbrellas! Never stop giving us these amazing non sequiturs.
He Was The Spice Girls’ Biggest Fan
When Geri Halliwell left the Spice Girls in 1998, King Charles was devastated. He wrote a personal letter to Halliwell that said, “The group will not be the same without you … What will I do without your wonderfully friendly greeting?”
We wonder how many times he saw Spiceworld in theaters. More importantly, how much merchandise is he hiding in the Royal palace? He’s probably always wearing a Spice Girls shirt under his dress shirts in tribute!
Disasters Can Be Jolly, Apparently
According to the King, “there’s nothing like a jolly good disaster to get people to start doing something.” There you have it, disasters can be “jolly.” We’re all waiting for the next happy earthquake in California to bring the communities back together again.
The quote came about in 2014 during a tour stop in Stoke St. Gregory in a neighborhood that had been cut off by a flood for a month. The king was more sympathetic with his next sentence, “the tragedy is that nothing happened for so long.
Red Carpets Cover The Globe
Living as a Royal always in the public eye, King Charles has seen his fair share of red carpets. At one point in his life he pondered, “I sometimes wonder if two thirds of the globe is covered in red carpet.”
It’s a fair question when every city he visits rolls out a red carpet as soon as he gets off the plane. Royals aren’t the only people to get red carpet treatment, though. Did you know that in 1821, a red carpet was laid out for President James Monroe when he arrived in Washington?
Microphones And Sausages Are Interchangeable
We wouldn’t say sausages and microphones have a lot in common, but then again, we’re not the king. Preparing for an interview, he remarked, “That’s called a microphone. It’s a big sausage that picks up everything you say – and you’re starting early.”
He was clearly annoyed and decided to lighten the mood with his quick wit. The next time you’re eating breakfast, just know it’s okay to pick up the sausage and sing into it. Okay, maybe do that, it’s a little weird.
He’ll Never Forget Molly Meldrum
In the ’80s, King Charles was a guest on the Australian program Countdown,hosted by Molly Meldrum. After the interview he said, “there is an old show business saying which warns never to work with animals or children, but nobody prepared me for Molly Meldrum.”
During the interview, Meldrum constantly messes up while reading from the teleprompter and stands up angry at himself. He uses language the queen would not approve of, too! Watching the clip, it’s hard to tell if Meldrum is just having a bad day or purposely messing up. Either way it led to a great quip from the prince.
Monkeys And The Royal Family Have Something In Common
When it comes to his education, King Charles says, “I learned the way a monkey learns, by watching its mother.” Mother knows best, especially when she’s the Queen of England.
According to our research, the king isn’t wrong. Monkeys learn best when they’re actively involved in their education, and according to King Charles, “the advantage of active learning appears to be a fundamental property of memory in humans and non-humans alike.”
Libraries Are Just Incinerators For Books
A documentary about the Birmingham Central Library was made in 1988 and featured King Charles talking about the institution. He wasn’t very nice, “[It looks like] a place where books are incinerated, not kept … Choosing my words to be as inoffensive as possible, I said I thought it was an unmitigated disaster.”
The Birmingham Central Library was London’s main library from 1973 when it opened until 2013 when it closed. It was demolished in 2016, after all the books had been moved to a safe, fire free, location.
On Why Music Wasn’t For Him
Growing up, King Charles was supposed to learn how to play the trumpet. After several failed attempts he gave up, saying, “I can hear the music teacher now … She would put down her violin and we would all stop and she would shout… stop those trumpets!’ So I gave up my trumpet.”
It’s hard to blame the king for this one. His trumpet teacher doesn’t sound very nice. He also said she had a very thick German accent, which just made her sound angry all the time.
He’s A Snob When It Comes To English
If you ever want to talk to the King about the English language, prepare to have documentation of your education. He might not talk to you otherwise. He nearly didn’t talk to Charles Clover in 1993, saying, “Are you a graduate of English literature? They’re the only people I have time for.”
Clover was writing a book about Highgrove, the house of the Prince of Wales, at the time. For those interested, the book about Highgrove was published in 2001 and is available in paperback!
Everyone’s A Critic
Just because his name is King Charles doesn’t mean everyone has to love him. Facing Nationalist protests in 1969, he explained, “as long as I don’t get covered too much in egg and tomato I’ll be all right.”
He wasn’t taking the threat of the protests too seriously, instead likening himself to a comedian failing during their stage act. Then again, maybe he’s using humor as a defense mechanism to diffuse his own fears for his safety.
The Proper Way To Look At A Woman
King Charles said this once while speaking to an attractive woman for the first time, “father told me that if I ever met a lady in a dress like yours, I must look her straight in the eyes.” That’s one way to let her know you’re interested.
Considering the king’s past history with mistresses, this seems like an oddly appropriate pick up line. But how many times has it worked?
He’ll Take Public Transport Over A Bus Any Day
Things have changed a lot since 1954, when the King boldly proclaimed, “I’d rather go by bus,” instead of traveling on the Royal family’s yacht Britannia. The first thing that has changed is his age. He was six years old then, perhaps even scared of the water. Today he’s in his mid-seventies and busy being the world’s best grandpa.
Can you blame six-year-old King Charles though? If you’ve ever been on a yacht, you know it gets bumpy when the water gets choppy. The boat will lean over sometimes and you have to hold on to something stay aboard! Imagine dealing with that so young!
Buildings Are Good For Planting Roses In His Opinion
In the late ’80s several high rises were being built in Great Britain. The King, true to cynical form, made it clear he was not a fan, “crushed tower block, mixed with soil, makes a very good basis for growing roses.”
One of King Charles’ greatest passions is his garden at Highgrove, so it makes sense he would know the best composition to grow roses in. Still, we’re pretty surprised that material is high rise building materials!
